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Semi Dear-Johned |
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Aug 24 2000 -
Well, here's the journal entry we've all been waiting for and surprisingly it's kind of a relief. Today as we came back from a great appointment with the most humble Peruvian guy in the world I was walking on sunshine. It was one of those moments when you reflect on life and realize how great things are. We walked into the apartment building and my thoughts went toward thinking how great it would be to get some mail on top of all this. And what to my wondering eyes did appear but a mailbox of silver with one single letter inside. Almost immediately I knew it was for me because Elder Haws' mail always comes in the same envelopes while mine tends to vary. Elder Haws slowly opened the door and handed me the letter. In this very instant my heart jumped into my throat as I realized it was a letter from Carrie. Yes, the long 3 month awaited much anticipated, breaking of the cold ice-like standoff letter. I knew this letter would make history - break the headlines - I walked into the apartment, opened the envelope, and set the letter down (to build suspense) then I went into the kitchen and put my water on to boil (as it was my turn to cook). Then, comfortable, I took the letter in hand. After reading 3 pages of fluff from her summer life, I hit the meat: these last months she's been dating a guy seriously. He asked her to marry him. She thought about it a lot. She finally decided she wasn't ready. He moved back to San Francisco for Chiropractor school and she's still in Provo. They still keep in touch, but not much more than that. Now I ask myself if I should write this next part in Italian or English. Hmm.
Penso che sarebbe meglio in Italiano, solo per assicurarmi nel caso che cambio idee piu' avanti. Questi ultimi mesi mi hanno aiutato tantissimo. Erano tempo in cui potevo pensare e analizzare la situazione. Sapevo che qualcosa non andava bene, ma non era mica come se fossimo insieme ancora. Ma c'era ancora la stigmata di un rapporto passato. Anzi, la lettera non mi faceva triste. Ero contento che finalmente e' stata onesta con me. A un tempo provavo sentimenti forti per questa ragazza - ma 10 mesi in missione cambiano una persona. Sono quasi un'altra persona in ogni aspetto della mia vita. Mi sono migliorato tanto e ho una punta di vista diversa che prima. Capisco le cose meglio. Pensavo che si sarebbe divertita tanta e forse si sarebbe sposata, cosi' non era una sorpresa totale. Avevo pero' sempre la speranza che sarebbe un'altra occasione di conoscerci dall'inizio di nuovo (perche' e' una ragazza stupenda) ma era sola una speranza. Adesso i miei dubbi si sono confermati, ma la speranza esiste ancora, non so il futuro, ma finche' esiste la speranze continuero' a sperare.
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