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Farewell - Pre MTC |
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Yesterday I gave my farewell address to my home ward. I spoke on the parable of the sower found in Matt: 13. I related it to fellowshipping new converts into the church. My mom spoke and so did bro. Hall. The spirit there was very strong and I almost started crying before I had to give my talk, but I was given a peaceful feeling and was able to hold it together. That talk seems like a month ago, though, because so much has happened since. After church I went to the Cochran's to say my final goodbyes. We watched the video "called to serve." It was VERY touching and I came close to crying again. That movie is amazing, and being a new missionary makes it even more so. When I said goodbye to Ben Cochran he started crying and that was really sad, but again I didn't cry. After my talk was over I got set apart as a full time missionary by my Stake President, President Woolsey. That was also a great and inspiring event. I think setting apart solidifies the idea that you are a missionary and are now expected to live like one, with full devotion to God.
I got all my stuff packed last night and watched that video with my Mom at our house. This morning I woke up at 4:00 am and caught my flight to Salt Lake from Sacramento at 6:30. I'm staying with my roommate from my first year at BYU...Dave Rubalcava. Dave is an awesome guy. Very friendly and very fun to be around. One of his roommates is a friend of ours from last year named Giuseppe Ferrazzanno or "Joe" for short. Joe is an exchange student from Italy. Both of his sisters served in Padova. He has been a good help in telling me what to expect in Italy. He is very unique, but a very nice person...a true Italian I think.
The one loose end that is still bothering me about my mission...as I am contemplating my entrance into the MTC this next Wednesday...is my, now ex, girlfriend...Carrie. I have never really met a young lady like her. She has an amazingly strong testimony and is extremely smart, caring, and not to mention...BEAUTIFUL! We broke up recently because we decided it was best since I'm leaving for 2 years. I can't expect her to wait for me and she doesn't really want to anyway. I'm really the only boyfriend she'd ever had, and she'd like to experience more before she decides to make a commitment. Which I agree with completely. But at the time we were sharing our lives at BYU I was ready to marry her. Now all our feelings are confused because she's moving on w/ her life and I'd like to forget her so I can focus, completely, on my mission. But that is impossible, at least right now, maybe with time. A mission is going to change my perceptions immensely and I know I have no idea about how I'll feel when I get back from a completely different culture in 2 years. The thing about our relationship that is troubling me happened recently. I originally told her that I want her to start dating, but I don't want to know about it. But she did end up telling me about something but only indirectly, because it's hard to keep everything from each other, especially something that is so emotionally influenced, when we are in such close contact all the time. But now I'm curious about what happened and she won't give me any details and I can't decide whether I really want to know or not...but I'm thinking my imagination may be worse than the reality. All I know is that the guy she dated played her... or used her and really hurt her feelings.
As I've seen her since I've been on campus it's been VERY strange. Not only because I'm a missionary and can only shake hands w/ her and never get to be alone to talk w/ her, but I think I feel threatened some how by this new life she has out here w/out me. It makes it hard to talk to her, even look at her. Hopefully, now that I've written it down I'll be able to deal w/ it better. Darn Females!
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