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Girl Whining, Oyster |
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My talk went well, if I do say so myself. It was very neat to see president Curtis. He gave a very good talk too, and so did Rafaella, a new member who is gonna be just awesome. President Curtis spoke on the love of God: How much God really loves each one of us. It was very touching.
There were A LOT of people there. I was impressed: over 20 including the Elders. But, unfortunately Carolina didn't come. I was so sure she would this time too. It's so disappointing. I feel like we're just not getting the job done with her. It's also frustrating because she says she's gonna come every time, but alas - nothing.
President Curtis brought some mail down with him. All I got was a letter from Carrie but it was exciting to get that. After church I read it. I was all excited and it just turned out to be a bland dry letter, not really about anything important, just a stale recounting of what she's been doing for the last couple of weeks. No feelings or thoughts or anything above a boring level. That's frustrating. I want to hear how she feels about ME and about things in general, I want to hear her thoughts about stuff.
I mean she's got to have some feelings to express. Why doesn't she? I'm starting to see why these mission relationship things don't usually work out. I mean, we're not even really "together" but there are those feelings there, at least on my part. I've already started thinking maybe I should call this thing off, I know: what a horrible thought, but honestly it's real. She doesn't seem to be that important to me anymore especially when it's seeming that I'm not very important or special to her either.
I know she's an awesome person and has every attribute that I want in a wife, but it's lacking something, and that is - some sort of a show of love or affection for me. This may sound selfish, but in a relationship both people need to know they're loved. I mean sure, she writes a letter once in a while, or gives me a Christmas present, but I'm just not feelin' it.
I feel like when I write her I share all sorts of feelings and thoughts, interesting, deep, spriritual, etc. but when she writes me it's: "I did this and they were there then I did this and they were there." I'm honestly wondering whether she is worth my trouble if she's not gonna love me back.
Anz. Ditto said something interesting about this: "It would be different if you were just friends before this." It's true, we had a deeper relationship established before my mission, and now she's moved to a superficial level. Why? Why? Why?
I barely have time to think about her because I'm so busy with missionary work, it would be very easy to just forget all this and write her off, especially when things are going this way. But I have decided to give her a month, I will keep expressing my thoughts and feelings as always - if she doesn't show some sign that she's worth it, I'll write her a letter expressing just how I feel. So let it be written, so let it be done. I know she's ABLE to do it, it's a question of if she WILL.
Enough with Carrie. The other day the other Anziano fulfilled an Ancona tradition with me. There's this rule that every new Elder in Ancona has to eat a raw oyster. So I did. It was gross. They cut open the shell, gave it to me and I had to slirp it out. Yuck. But it was an experience. Therefore I'm dedicating space to a depiction of it.
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